more than a year later...

Well. I have this blog thing. And a computer and keyboard and fingers and a brain that enjoys thinking and philosophizing and producing words for the blog thing.

But sometimes I don't use any of it. for a long time. for more than a year.

And then I re-discover it all and say to myself, my God! So much has changed, and yet so much has stayed the same.

***

I never went to the Rinpoche group in Amsterdam. I got a comment on my previous blog entry almost immediately, from a complete stranger (boy, I wonder how that happened...), warning me that Rinpoche was a fraud. I googled. I found enough questionable information to make me throw up my hands in despair.

I put down the book.

I got really angry at myself for being such a worthless channel that I couldn't even pick up the correct signals from someone sitting next to me.

I decided that every single person who appears at first glance to be relatively enlightened or spiritual is probably a fraud.

I decided that I wasn't going to read any more spiritual books or do any more meditation or hope to meet any other spiritual people. And I was going to keep my own channeling to a minimum because I didn't know what to trust. Basically, I was disillusioned and confused and frustrated and I decided to just leave and slam the door behind me.

I focused on other things. I worked more on the business proposal for the house in Bunnik. After a while, I gave up on that, too. We just weren't getting any support from "the Universe" for the project. I wondered if I had been mislead by a faulty intuition into pursuing the whole thing from the beginning. We remained extremely frustrated with the house we were living in and that whole situation. I went back to searching relentlessly on the internet for another place to live... and finally we found something, all the way in Belgium. That will be the topic for my next blog entry.

But here I am, back at the blog thing, and I have to make a segue from my last entry. Which means I had to actually read my last entry again. And... and.... It isn't so bad, after all. Did I really need to slam the door? The words I channeled from Rinpoche sound pretty wise, actually. The words from the man, about the spear in his back -- that resonates. I can try to remember how I felt at the conference, the "flattened by a boulder" experience. It was good. It was real. But ok, Rinpoche is apparently not the man he says he is, and apparently I couldn't feel it at all. So how is that possible?

Maybe the "enlightened" part of a spiritual leader is always (or often) counterbalanced by an "unenlightened" part -- so that they are all more or less schizophrenic. It would make sense, in a way. If a person's spiritual side (associated with their 7th chakra) is highly developed, but their lower chakras are not, maybe the lower chakras won't be able to "carry the weight" and they'll go all out of whack. This is a message I've heard a lot from my Guides and also read in various places. Tall trees need deep roots. We incarnate on Earth in physical form to have a physical experience, and if we only have a mental or spiritual experience, it is not healthy. Constant video gaming and text messaging is not healthy for children. Monks of all faiths don't just learn their scriptures by heart, they sweep their compounds and work in their gardens.

So maybe Rinpoche (and other spiritual leaders before him that I've become disillusioned about) really do have strong 7th chakra development, but their lower chakras are suffering from it. Especially the first chakra (physicality/grounding -- perhaps leading to weight problems and other physical symptoms), the second chakra (creativity/sexuality -- perhaps leading to the sexual perversions that are so common among spiritual leaders) and the third chakra (power -- perhaps leading to troubles with dominance, repression of followers, etc., also common among spiritual leaders.) And if I attempt to make a channeling connection to someone, naturally I'm connecting with them at the 7th chakra. Although I wouldn't have to, I suppose... it is just a default setting, I think. If I go into a library and I want information about plant diseases, I'm not going to head over to the murder-mystery section. Especially if there is a huge and complete display of plant disease books right by the front door.

I'm going to experiment here. What if I consciously make the intention to connect to Rinpoche at the lower chakras. Does it feel good? No. It makes me nauseous. And if I try again at the 7th chakra? It feels beautiful and wise and loving. Wow. What a difference. Now, I'm going to ask Rinpoche at the 7th chakra, does he know what is going on? Does he have any wise words?

"I could be dead tomorrow. It is important for me, in this incarnation, to bring as much love and light into the world as I can, immediately. I have chosen, at the soul level, to work only at the 7th chakra and to neglect the lower chakras, even though this will have negative consequences for me and perhaps for the people closest to me. I do not feel what is happening in the rest of my body. This is unhealthy -- but I have no choice. You tell me that I am diabetic and that various female followers have accused me of mistreating them, and that is quite possible. I am willing to pay the price for this, at the karmic level. You ask if I am sorry... but I have no regrets. It is so important, what I am doing for the world, at an energetic level. Any followers who are hurt by my actions have agreed to this, at the soul level. It is all in our contracts with each other. I love them, and they love me. I hope that they will learn what they need to learn from their experiences, as soon as possible, and change their relationship with me. They can safely connect to me the way you are now, via the 7th chakra, to experience the "boulder", to learn other spiritual techniques and lessons. Perhaps they can access my energy directly, so that we become "one mind", the way I did with the co-author of my book. Trying to connect with me at other levels is not wise for them, although if everyone was wise enough to avoid that kind of connection with me, it would be very lonely for me."

"And one more thing: I'm glad that you slammed the door and took a break from spirituality and channeling. I hope you can keep your lower chakras strong and stay connected with your whole body. It isn't necessary for you to develop the way I did -- you can have your boulder and eat it too!"

Ha. He has a nice sense of humor, up there at the 7th chakra....

So, ok, it all sounds kind of reasonable, and I'm glad about that, and ready to move on to a blog about our new house. After dinner.